health.

only nine hundred and eighty-two needed.

On another note, only four more days until March 5th!

i am hungry.

the closest thing to sorry.

To whom it may concern:


How does it feel, to have the tables turned on you? The humiliation, the whispers, the barely concealed contempt… Can you believe this atrocity? It’s funny how things can change in just a matter of days. You. Me. Him. Everyone. Quiet words and surreptitious side-glances have evolved into loud comments and blatant sneers. You have no sympathizers for what you’ve done in the past. No one, except me. I am the one who ignited this mess.



And now, I am just like you.
What have I become?

whenever, wherever, forever.

Can I keep this moment?

Can I seal it in a glass bottle,

So that it will last forever?

Or, it can stay in my back pocket,

And wherever I go,

Your laughter will follow.

I don’t want this feeling to leave;

The giddiness and sunny smiles,

With the air of reckless freedom

And lighthearted playfulness,

This warm emotion,

Blossoming inside,

Can stay with me.

Slowly and surely,

If you forget,

I will take out the moment,

And remind you of our silly dreams.

I’ll take good care of it,

I promise.

disaster.

i am only a leaf floating on the winds of conformity.

nightmare.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a “perfect” dream where everything went they way I wanted it to be. Sometimes, they would begin wonderfully. I’d be skiing down a picturesque slope or receive my letter to Hogwarts. Phenomenal. But there’s always that twist, that horrible feeling, in the back corner of my mind. It might be that one dark cloud in the almost clear blue sky. It might be those unbelievably personal images, a grotesque mixture of reality and fantasy.

I can’t help it.

I can’t face it.

I can’t understand it.

There is no untainted utopia when I sleep. Or anywhere. The imperfection is obvious. I can’t control it, and that is what I fear the most.

imagination rules the world.

Boredom can lead to the strangest things. Today, instead of doing my homework, I decided to 1) stalk members of the US Olympic short-track speedskating team 2) spend 45 minutes looking up twin-tip skis and 3) accidentally stumble across the best website ever created on earth (aside from Sparknotes and Facebook, of course).

I originally was surfing on the web for a humidifier that looked like the one I saw on my Korean drama, "You're Beautiful."

Instead of finding it on sale in the US, I stumbled across Hometone.org. It's basically a blog full of cool, innovative stuff. From doughnut humidifiers to chairs covered in freeze-dried flowers, they cover nearly every strange and creative twist on household objects.

Here are a few of my favorites:


Forget those boring old fruit bowls, banana hammocks, plates, or refridgerators. Now you can display your apples and oranges in style with the Fruit Slide. You can even have your pet hamster play on it if you run out of fruit. I guess a small child might work too.



The "Less Lamp" is modern art. For $875, you can get a black spherical thing. Poke some holes in it with an ice pick, and chop off the bottom. Wah-lah. Instant custom broken lamp thing. Very chic.

let's burn our dreams into the skyline.

Once upon a time,
there was a girl who thought she had it all: a nice family, a lovely house in the suburbs, and enough nature around her to feel as if she lived in a forest. She scoffed at the idea of moving to anyplace else. The city was too polluted with the stench of gasoline, overflow of people, and blinding lights. The countryside was just full of farmers, cows, and acres of cornfields. The beach had a strange smell, and it was ridden with distasters from volatile weather patterns. She never thought that there was anything better than life in the suburbs.





It was only as we were driving down the highway at night in the middle of nowhere that I realized there could be more. There could be something even better than the place where city meets countryside, and this was it. I could finally see the sky, unmarred by artificial lights. I never really noticed something so obvious before, but I knew that this sky was different. More than a handful of stars were visible, and the only disturbance was a small flashing airplane in the distance. I could find those constellations we talked about in 5th grade science class: Orion, the Big Dipper, the Little Dipper. It was so different than the pure black expanse of nighttime that I knew back at home. At that moment, I could almost imagine what the world was like before we brought our well-lit cities and towns. I could see why people used to worship the moon and the stars. I felt small. insignificant. wonderful.

oh darling, i wish you were here

Owl city is my new/old obsession. I was listening to his songs on the way to whitetail earlier this week, and I realized that he writes wonderful lyrics. A lot of my friends just say "Oh, all of the songs sound the same," and I used to feel the same way. But I know now that's not true. You have to really listen to appreciate. It's not just the melody; lyrics also make up a song. They're like poems in song format. I could put them on replay forever.

I'll taste the sky & feel alive again.

vanilla twilight - owl city



on another note, i've found my true love: snow.

snow day schedule.

I absolutely love having nothing to do. Nothingness means relaxation and doing all of those things I meant to do but hadn't really gotten the chance to before. Instead of the normal "eat, homework, freak out about homework, and sleeping at 2am because of homework," I had a free schedule. The possibilities were endless, but instead I chose to do mundane things, like trimming my nails, cleaning my bathroom, etc. But these normal things were actually abnormal because I never do anything like that on school days! It makes me excited just thinking about what I did today... it's that sad.

Snow day highlights: phone call wakeup, having my 1st experience with a korean drama, waffles, feeding William, cleaning room, korean drama, 1st five minutes of the 1st episode of Scrubs, facebook, dinner, exercise, researching 8-year med programs, korean drama, this.

Korean drama thing. It's safe to say that I'm completely addicted to this nonsense. Bianca introduced me to some show called "You're Beautiful" and insisted that I watch the 1st two episodes. The first was 1) extremely weird 2) annoying 3) stupid 4) gave me the impression that all korean girls are timid and spazzy. The 2nd was 1, 2, 3, 4, and made me say "what the f***" aloud several times. By the 3rd episode, I was kind of annoyed at the show, but I endured it; Bianca seemed really excited about this, and I'm just that great of a friend. 4th episode: I realized that the characters and the series had grown on me: like a fungus. Is it possible to transfer addictive substances via laptop screen?

William: My parents threaten to eat him everyday. My brother offers to give him his own dinner. I'm surprised he's still alive. All he does is swim, blow bubbles, and eat.

Scrubs: Why did I only watch the 1st five minutes? That korean drama was calling to me.

College research: It makes me feel like I'm working and makes my snow day seem more productive in my parents eyes.

I think you can just guess what I'm about to do after I publish this.

sunshine & daisies.

It's just a few minutes - maybe even less. There are one thousand four hundred and forty minutes in one day, but my day is defined by just a small fraction of those. Happiness and laughter overcome everything. The feelings, the sounds. A cheery disposition cures all and I want to share it with everyone. Tell them my story. Spread the word. I'm blinded by the feeling. It's all I can remember. It's all that I feel in those very moments.

bubbly feelings

Sleep deprivation only sometimes affect my mood. Today, I felt happy and really excited for some reason. (At least on the inside. I'm pretty sure I appeared quite dead today.) While I was reciting my Spanish presentation in class, I tried to figure out why i felt so...bubbly. I wanted to shout and dance, but instead I nearly fell asleep in class. So throughout the day, I came up with a list of things that a) made me happy or b) I felt like telling everyone.

1. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. It's officially my favorite book of all time.... I love it even more the Harry Potter or Twilight. I read it until 2 or 3 am in the morning and didn't study for my ap calc test or anything else. After finishing it today, I just have to read the sequel. I think the ending of this book was kind of predictable, but very enjoyable nonetheless.
2. Lemon Drops. I'm talking about the candy here. It's 59 cents a bag at the hospital, and it makes me feel like Dumbledore when I eat them. And just to clarify, my brother was the one who came up with the Dumbledore thing.
3. Sunshiny clothes. This one's a secret (;

everything & nothing

I live a life of repetition. wake, shower, school, homework, sleep, repeat.
Nothing is happening, and I feel like the only time I'm really awake is during the summer. No cares, no worries, nothing. I wish I could be like that forever. It's hard to remember what I did in those short 3 months last year. A comparison between one of those long, hot days and a bleak, winter schoolday is almost impossible. The differences are endless. I want to be at the beach, to smell the saltwater and feel the sand. I want to complain of having nothing to do, nowhere to go. I want to sleep until the sun goes down. I want everything.

sparks in life.

a while ago, i read something my friend wrote on sparklife, and i thought "why can't i do this too?" (if you havent heard of sparklife, good for you. ive spent hours on there. its a part of SparkNotes) that's exactly what i did. 5 minutes later, i found myself writing about some random and somewhat meaningless topic. It was fun. It was ridiculous. It was worth it. i sent it off to the sparklife people. the lady there liked it (:
check it out on March 5th!

..i would post it here, except i scrolled down to the bottom of the email they sent back to me and it said something ominous about copyrights and stuff. and it's pretty long.

on another note, i'd like to say that my family is awesome. i had my cousins/uncles/etc over today, and we (including my 4 year old cousin) spent around 30 minutes crowded around the kitchen table having contests of who could pull out the roll of toilet paper the fastest. no, not literally. it was an iphone app. basically, you just had to unroll all of the toilet paper by sliding your finger across the screen 100000000 times.

lovely.

good morning world!

1:05 a.m. : I've finished nearly all of my homework for tomorrow aside from physics. Maybe it's a good idea to sleep but I feel too restless. From facebook, I learned that Bones actually started again last week, not in March. The temptation to watch an episode almost overweighs sleep. But I won't do it. I've been so sleep-deprived and sdjfkl lately that Bones can be pushed aside to another day AKA tomorrow.

"good morning world" reminds me of introCS, the "hello world" lab. wow, just typing that made me feel supernerdy. that's okay.

drip drippin' down the drain

So that's officially my favorite song, person, rapper, composer, songwriter, etc. He makes my inner-history geek come out and rejoice. or something along those lines. We watched this video in apush the other day and a whole bunch of people memorized it the next day. Yeah, tj kids are pretty cool. I just really like this rap because it actually means something, and it might help me on my AP test someday.

On another happy note, my birthday wasn't as awful as I anticipated. People called me/texted me. Kathynguyen was awesome and posted a video on my wall...i thought about replying back with a video but i was too lazy. And if Saab is reading this, then thanks too! your post made me laugh (: I also went to the Smithsonian today which was also pretty awesome. I've rediscovered my love for dinosaurs and sea creatures. The Hope diamond was not impressive, especially compared to the crown jewels.

This weekend, I also found a bunch of canned foods in my house to donate to people in Haiti. Yesterday, my family watched 1 straight hour of CNN, all of which was focused on the disaster there. Watching these kinds of things makes me want to become a doctor even more; I really just feel bad for all of those people there without food or help. People are getting limbs amputated while they're awake, and no one should experience something as horrific as that. Orphanages are being robbed of their food, and dead bodies are being dumped, unidentified, into landfills en masse.

procrastination station.

that's where i am right now. six page research paper. why do i even do this to myself. on a happier note, william (the fish) still lives! except he eaten like one flake in the past 8 days. Whenever i wake up or come home from school, i always check to see if he's still alive. my mom thinks that i have a retarded/blind fish, but thats okay. i think ben and i spend at least 5 minutes a day just looking at the aquarium. speaking of ben, he actually figured out who i liked which is really a shocker because he doesnt even know that many juniors. maybe i'm just a little obvious?

big, big, big, big water.

It's the start of a new year, except, I certainly don't feel much newer. Unless you count new stress.



I got a betta for Christmas using my brother's money. I actually did my research about filters, the nitrogen cycle, ammonia levels, and all that seemingly boring stuff. In reality though, it didn't seem that boring to me; the hype of getting a fish seemed overpower it. I spent more time reading about filters than I did homework yesterday. Just don't tell my mother that. So I got a betta from petco, and it sort of seems fine.... except there's a huge problem. He only ate one flake. I think I'm overeacting, but I also think he has some strange kind of fish disease. I really don't want my fish to die. His name is William (:



Along with the fish problem, I've had a song stuck in my head for a few days. It's actually from The Land Before Time, the one where they cross the "big water" and find a baby t-rex. I've had the "Big Water" song stuck in my head for ages ever since I heard it at my cousins house.

Annoying, but catchy: Rockstar by Prima J

caffeine withdrawal.