i am hungry.

the closest thing to sorry.

To whom it may concern:


How does it feel, to have the tables turned on you? The humiliation, the whispers, the barely concealed contempt… Can you believe this atrocity? It’s funny how things can change in just a matter of days. You. Me. Him. Everyone. Quiet words and surreptitious side-glances have evolved into loud comments and blatant sneers. You have no sympathizers for what you’ve done in the past. No one, except me. I am the one who ignited this mess.



And now, I am just like you.
What have I become?

whenever, wherever, forever.

Can I keep this moment?

Can I seal it in a glass bottle,

So that it will last forever?

Or, it can stay in my back pocket,

And wherever I go,

Your laughter will follow.

I don’t want this feeling to leave;

The giddiness and sunny smiles,

With the air of reckless freedom

And lighthearted playfulness,

This warm emotion,

Blossoming inside,

Can stay with me.

Slowly and surely,

If you forget,

I will take out the moment,

And remind you of our silly dreams.

I’ll take good care of it,

I promise.

disaster.

i am only a leaf floating on the winds of conformity.

nightmare.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a “perfect” dream where everything went they way I wanted it to be. Sometimes, they would begin wonderfully. I’d be skiing down a picturesque slope or receive my letter to Hogwarts. Phenomenal. But there’s always that twist, that horrible feeling, in the back corner of my mind. It might be that one dark cloud in the almost clear blue sky. It might be those unbelievably personal images, a grotesque mixture of reality and fantasy.

I can’t help it.

I can’t face it.

I can’t understand it.

There is no untainted utopia when I sleep. Or anywhere. The imperfection is obvious. I can’t control it, and that is what I fear the most.

imagination rules the world.

Boredom can lead to the strangest things. Today, instead of doing my homework, I decided to 1) stalk members of the US Olympic short-track speedskating team 2) spend 45 minutes looking up twin-tip skis and 3) accidentally stumble across the best website ever created on earth (aside from Sparknotes and Facebook, of course).

I originally was surfing on the web for a humidifier that looked like the one I saw on my Korean drama, "You're Beautiful."

Instead of finding it on sale in the US, I stumbled across Hometone.org. It's basically a blog full of cool, innovative stuff. From doughnut humidifiers to chairs covered in freeze-dried flowers, they cover nearly every strange and creative twist on household objects.

Here are a few of my favorites:


Forget those boring old fruit bowls, banana hammocks, plates, or refridgerators. Now you can display your apples and oranges in style with the Fruit Slide. You can even have your pet hamster play on it if you run out of fruit. I guess a small child might work too.



The "Less Lamp" is modern art. For $875, you can get a black spherical thing. Poke some holes in it with an ice pick, and chop off the bottom. Wah-lah. Instant custom broken lamp thing. Very chic.

let's burn our dreams into the skyline.

Once upon a time,
there was a girl who thought she had it all: a nice family, a lovely house in the suburbs, and enough nature around her to feel as if she lived in a forest. She scoffed at the idea of moving to anyplace else. The city was too polluted with the stench of gasoline, overflow of people, and blinding lights. The countryside was just full of farmers, cows, and acres of cornfields. The beach had a strange smell, and it was ridden with distasters from volatile weather patterns. She never thought that there was anything better than life in the suburbs.





It was only as we were driving down the highway at night in the middle of nowhere that I realized there could be more. There could be something even better than the place where city meets countryside, and this was it. I could finally see the sky, unmarred by artificial lights. I never really noticed something so obvious before, but I knew that this sky was different. More than a handful of stars were visible, and the only disturbance was a small flashing airplane in the distance. I could find those constellations we talked about in 5th grade science class: Orion, the Big Dipper, the Little Dipper. It was so different than the pure black expanse of nighttime that I knew back at home. At that moment, I could almost imagine what the world was like before we brought our well-lit cities and towns. I could see why people used to worship the moon and the stars. I felt small. insignificant. wonderful.

oh darling, i wish you were here

Owl city is my new/old obsession. I was listening to his songs on the way to whitetail earlier this week, and I realized that he writes wonderful lyrics. A lot of my friends just say "Oh, all of the songs sound the same," and I used to feel the same way. But I know now that's not true. You have to really listen to appreciate. It's not just the melody; lyrics also make up a song. They're like poems in song format. I could put them on replay forever.

I'll taste the sky & feel alive again.

vanilla twilight - owl city



on another note, i've found my true love: snow.

snow day schedule.

I absolutely love having nothing to do. Nothingness means relaxation and doing all of those things I meant to do but hadn't really gotten the chance to before. Instead of the normal "eat, homework, freak out about homework, and sleeping at 2am because of homework," I had a free schedule. The possibilities were endless, but instead I chose to do mundane things, like trimming my nails, cleaning my bathroom, etc. But these normal things were actually abnormal because I never do anything like that on school days! It makes me excited just thinking about what I did today... it's that sad.

Snow day highlights: phone call wakeup, having my 1st experience with a korean drama, waffles, feeding William, cleaning room, korean drama, 1st five minutes of the 1st episode of Scrubs, facebook, dinner, exercise, researching 8-year med programs, korean drama, this.

Korean drama thing. It's safe to say that I'm completely addicted to this nonsense. Bianca introduced me to some show called "You're Beautiful" and insisted that I watch the 1st two episodes. The first was 1) extremely weird 2) annoying 3) stupid 4) gave me the impression that all korean girls are timid and spazzy. The 2nd was 1, 2, 3, 4, and made me say "what the f***" aloud several times. By the 3rd episode, I was kind of annoyed at the show, but I endured it; Bianca seemed really excited about this, and I'm just that great of a friend. 4th episode: I realized that the characters and the series had grown on me: like a fungus. Is it possible to transfer addictive substances via laptop screen?

William: My parents threaten to eat him everyday. My brother offers to give him his own dinner. I'm surprised he's still alive. All he does is swim, blow bubbles, and eat.

Scrubs: Why did I only watch the 1st five minutes? That korean drama was calling to me.

College research: It makes me feel like I'm working and makes my snow day seem more productive in my parents eyes.

I think you can just guess what I'm about to do after I publish this.

sunshine & daisies.

It's just a few minutes - maybe even less. There are one thousand four hundred and forty minutes in one day, but my day is defined by just a small fraction of those. Happiness and laughter overcome everything. The feelings, the sounds. A cheery disposition cures all and I want to share it with everyone. Tell them my story. Spread the word. I'm blinded by the feeling. It's all I can remember. It's all that I feel in those very moments.

bubbly feelings

Sleep deprivation only sometimes affect my mood. Today, I felt happy and really excited for some reason. (At least on the inside. I'm pretty sure I appeared quite dead today.) While I was reciting my Spanish presentation in class, I tried to figure out why i felt so...bubbly. I wanted to shout and dance, but instead I nearly fell asleep in class. So throughout the day, I came up with a list of things that a) made me happy or b) I felt like telling everyone.

1. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. It's officially my favorite book of all time.... I love it even more the Harry Potter or Twilight. I read it until 2 or 3 am in the morning and didn't study for my ap calc test or anything else. After finishing it today, I just have to read the sequel. I think the ending of this book was kind of predictable, but very enjoyable nonetheless.
2. Lemon Drops. I'm talking about the candy here. It's 59 cents a bag at the hospital, and it makes me feel like Dumbledore when I eat them. And just to clarify, my brother was the one who came up with the Dumbledore thing.
3. Sunshiny clothes. This one's a secret (;